Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
