There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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