He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
