To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
