I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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