there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
