omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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