I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
