I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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