Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My liver is preforming stress tests.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
