id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
