ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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