Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
