Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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