so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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