How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
