After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
accomplished twins. life is a go
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
