Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize