You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
