just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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