please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
