The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
