I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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