Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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