My liver just broke up with me...
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
