I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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