i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
