I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
