I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
