btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
