I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
