oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
