How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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