would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
