I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
we're making bets on your personal life
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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