broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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