He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
