I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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