CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I AM VODKA MAN
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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