My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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