How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize