I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
