By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
We need to get me chipped asap
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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