in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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