guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
