obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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