Don't you send me to vm
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
