I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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