I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He? As in you personified your dick?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
