all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
