And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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