What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
