I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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