Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
