just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
