i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Im part way to drunk.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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