FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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