So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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